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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25082002">collapse my veins wearing beautiful shoes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/fineh/pseuds/fineh'>fineh</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Jane the Virgin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Happy Ending, Post-Canon, Slow Dancing, Spoilers, barely, drunken kiss au, season five is semi valid here</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:01:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,165</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25082002</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/fineh/pseuds/fineh</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“I--” Jane struggles to catch her breath and the ‘iloveyoutoo’ is on the tip of Petra’s tongue but she manages to swallow it down. “I’m kind of drunk.” Her statement is followed by a laugh that Petra echoes hollowly.</p><p>In which Petra and Jane drunkenly kiss and Petra has no idea what to do.  </p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Petra Solano/Jane Villanueva</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>81</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>collapse my veins wearing beautiful shoes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/RenLuthor/gifts">RenLuthor</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This was a request sent to me on Tumblr and is a drunken kiss/dancing au and since I was feeling some S1 nostalgia, here we are.</p><p>Enjoy some bro!rafael and some angst because I can't help myself. There's vague mentions to season five in here which is the only thing that places this fic in the same tragic universe of that season. </p><p>always thankful to the 1975 for providing me fic titles</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Having fun I see.” Petra was propped up on the bar, nursing a drink and ignoring everyone around her. She’d done her dutiful rounds as the host and now that the party was dwindling she could finally let go a bit. Rafael knew her routine better than anyone.  </p><p>A strong drink and a warm body were usually her go-to.</p><p>“I thought they would all get less annoying as time went on.” Petra pursed her lips and studied the small cliques spaced out across the Marbella ballroom. She’d been entrenched with these people since before Rafael, back when winning over Lachlan was still her goal, and although the people changed, the snootiness and backhanded compliments never did. “They’ve gotten worse instead.” </p><p>“Yeah,” Rafael agreed, “they have.” </p><p>A felon and a bisexual gave the socialites in Miami plenty to whisper about. Petra motioned for a drink, ignoring Rafael’s pointed brow, her Czech probably wouldn’t make an appearance tonight but a good buzz was a more than welcome distraction. </p><p>“Don’t give me that look, your ex-fiance is looking worse for wear, throw a couple of those looks her way.” </p><p>On cue, Jane stumbled her way over to them, ungraceful but stunning anyway. </p><p>“Petra!” She exclaimed loudly, her volume bordering on a shout. “Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you all night!” </p><p>Petra had been aware of that, the same way she was aware of one particular thing that had kept her from approaching Jane after completing her duties as a host. A hasty thank you for her attendance had been all Petra could muster before she excused herself to yell at some waiters and ignore how beautiful Jane looked that night.  </p><p>“Oh, you know, here and there.” Her voice sounded false even to her ears and Rafael’s narrowed eyes told her she hadn’t gotten away with that lie. “Have you been enjoying the festivities?” The slightly unfocused look in Jane’s eyes told Petra she had been, which was unexpected, Jane usually held herself back at public events, especially ones with other parents.</p><p>“Yeah, the school is going to make so much money this year! All thanks to your genius brain! Oh, crab puffs!” And with that Jane was gone, leaving behind a slightly confused and tipsy Petra. Rafael was still staring at Petra and it was starting to get on her nerves. </p><p>“Let’s dance.” He decided.</p><p>“I’m not done drinking.” Petra protested, the healthy buzz said otherwise, but she allowed herself to be dragged away to the dance floor. The band played softly, she’d never grown accustomed to heavy beats and throbbing bass lines, that was more Rafael’s scene than hers. She preferred music she didn’t have to shout over, though right now, that would have been preferable. </p><p>“You’re still avoiding her?” Rafael asked, leading her across the dance floor. </p><p>“I’m not avoiding her,” Petra muttered.</p><p>“You can’t even look at her.” Petra blushed, hating how well Rafael could still read her. Of course, she couldn’t look at Jane, not in that form-fitting dress, her hair done up, brown eyes accentuated with a beautiful cat eye that left Petra tongue-tied and uncomfortably warm in places she shouldn’t be. </p><p>“We’re not having this conversation again.” Confessing her feelings to Rafael had been a mistake anyway no matter how well he’d taken it.</p><p>“Petra, she likes you!” This was something they’d been fighting about for the past six months.</p><p>“She tolerates me.” They were all co-parents, it’s not like Jane had a choice.</p><p>“She tolerates <em> me,” </em> Rafael argued <em> , </em>“You,” he searched for words but found none, “that’s something else.” </p><p>“It’s nothing.” </p><p>“It’s everything!”</p><p>“What are you two arguing about?” Belatedly, Petra realized Rafael had steered them to their point of contention. Jane was swaying in the middle of the dance floor, a dopey grin on her face, ignoring all the stares she was getting from the couples around her.</p><p>“Nothing,” Rafael lied smoothly, he turned to Jane. “Finish this dance for me? I have to call the babysitter.” </p><p>Petra gripped Rafael’s bicep but the drinks were catching up to her and before she could protest, she’d been traded into a soft feminine grasp, with strong biceps of her own.  Jane was surprisingly steady, even if her eyes were glassy and the grin on her face had become permanent. </p><p>Petra tried to return her smile, but she was sure it looked as painful as it felt. Jane was content to follow Petra’s lead, one shaky step following the other. </p><p>“I remember you being a horrible dancer.” Jane mused, her strappy heels almost making them level, placing her lips dangerously close to Petra’s.</p><p>“I can’t club the way you and Lina do, but my mother made sure I could ballroom dance,” the memory was anything but pleasant. Being dragged around a dingy flat by some boy while her mother yelled at them was something Petra preferred to forget. “I’m not completely stiff you know.” </p><p>“Yeah,” Jane hummed, “I do.” Petra frowned down at her, for some reason it didn’t feel like they were talking about the same thing. Jane is done asking questions, eyes closed she’s nuzzled further into Petra. Struggling to process the sudden warmth and presence of her best friend Petra led them around the room on autopilot, trying to turn her brain on and come up with a clever way to extricate herself from Jane. But her brain refused to focus on anything but the fact that Jane was in her arms and smiling up at Petra like she’d just bought her every book on her ever-growing list.</p><p>Petra swallowed, every unspoken feeling she’d ever had for Jane was fighting it’s way to the surface. Every time she’d lingered too long, smiled too softly, the one time Jane had gotten so close it’d taken everything in Petra to laugh awkwardly and pretend she hadn’t wanted to kiss her. </p><p>The way Jane had held her, shortly after her breakup with JR, the smell of salt still on her skin, spooning her and listening to Petra confess to just how lost and lonely she was feeling. It’d provided her the strength and comfort she’d needed to keep fighting. And Petra had provided it in return when Jane and Rafael finally finished pretending they could remedy their relationship a year later. </p><p>Petra’s feelings had two years to grow and now they were here to suffocate her. </p><p>The song ended, the final note enveloping them, providing Petra with the out she’d been looking for, but Jane was burrowed into Petra, both physically and emotionally. Petra doesn’t let go, instead, she allows herself to finally look at Jane. Her eyes are closed, the eyeliner slightly smudged, her cheeks pink, her face is the picture of contentment and Petra can be happy that at the very least she can give Jane that. </p><p>Jane’s eyes flutter open, from where they’d closed against Petra’s chest, they’re surprisingly clear and staring up at her with such openness and honesty that Petra’s completely drunk on something else now. And Petra’s so tired of hiding, so exhausted of pretending she isn’t in love with her best friend. She can’t continue to mask her feelings for the sake of a friendship that every day slips further and further away from her fingers. </p><p>Petra doesn’t know if she leans down or if Jane surges up but the next thing she knows Jane’s champagne tinged lips are covering her own and it’s better than anything Petra ever came up with. Jane fits against her the way Petra always thought she would, steady where Petra is shaky, firm but yielding, the patience to Petra’s impulsiveness.   It’s not the finest kiss, Petra’s ever experienced, both of them too drunk and desperate for the other to care about technique. </p><p>Petra is dimly aware that they’re making out on the dance floor but she can’t even begin to think about pulling away from Jane, not when she’s been aching to get this close to her from the moment she hugged her in the middle of that doctor’s office all those years ago. Jane sighs into her mouth, a hand tangling up in Petra’s hair and it’s the first time Petra has ever considered growing her hair back out a small victory. Petra’s hands fall to Jane’s waist as she pulls her closer, fingers skimming lightly along the stylish cuts in her dress. </p><p>Jane pulls away first but she doesn’t go too far, her forehead resting against Petra’s slightly sweaty one. </p><p>“I--” Jane struggles to catch her breath and the ‘iloveyoutoo’ is on the tip of Petra’s tongue but she manages to swallow it down. “I’m kind of drunk.” Her statement is followed by a laugh that Petra echoes hollowly.   </p><p>“Yeah, me too.” Petra struggles to keep her voice level, “Let’s get out of here.”</p><p>Jane sags against her and the panic Petra’s beginning to feel subsides if only for a moment. </p><p>Petra tugs Jane out and away from prying eyes toward the elevator. She still has her suite here, even if she no longer lives at the hotel. There’s enough traffic between her, the girls, Mateo, and everyone else to justify keeping it.</p><p>She avoids Rafael, gives the staff her final orders, and focuses on getting both of them out of there. </p><hr/><p>Petra’s sitting in front of her vanity removing her makeup, ignoring the way Jane bustles around her getting ready for bed. The best thing to do right now is to sleep it off. </p><p>It starts to sink in, she kissed Jane, Jane kissed her, they’re both drunk and come tomorrow Jane could easily decide it was a fluke and Petra could be forced to go through life knowing what it’s like to kiss Jane Villanueva and know she isn’t good enough for her. Jane may have already forgotten, drunk girls kiss each other all the time, right?</p><p>Petra’s so deep in thought she almost jumps when a hand falls softly on her shoulder. </p><p>“Hey, you’re pretty quiet right now.” Petra meets Jane’s eyes through the mirror and it feels safer than actually looking at her but there isn’t a mirror in the world that can mute the concern a worried Jane Villanueva radiates. “Are you okay?” </p><p>There’s a part of Petra that wants to scream at Jane, at her ignorance, at the fact that they kissed and everything is different but Jane is still acting like they’re just friends. But Petra doesn’t, lashing out never helped her before, and she’s used to repressing her feelings so maybe nothing really changed and this will just get filed away as a drunken mistake.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m fine.” With one final swipe, Petra stands, already changed into her sleeping clothes. </p><p>“Hey, no.” Jane pulls her back, “I can see you shutting down. It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me why, but you do have to at least hear me out.” Jane pulls her to the bed, shutting off all the remaining lights, leaving only two soft glowing lamps on. Jane climbs into the bed, resting up against the headboard, patting the spot next to her. Petra reluctantly follows, leaving space between them that Jane immediately eliminates. </p><p>Jane waits patiently for Petra to look at her, her head coming to rest again on Petra’s shoulder. It’s only when she does that Jane begins to speak.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” Petra inhales sharply, Jane’s apology stabbing at a wound that was already raw. “Shit, that’s not--Petra. I’m sorry for waiting until now to make a move. I’m sorry I was drunk when I finally kissed you. I was trying to work up the courage to tell you how I felt but I went overboard with the drinks and yeah…” Jane’s always been too honest for her own good, alcohol has only ever amplified it, and Petra dangerously is allowing herself to begin to hope. “I’m too drunk to say everything I’ve been wanting to say for months, but I can say this.” Jane delicately strokes a finger against Petra’s cheek. “I loved you yesterday, I love you right now, and I’m going to love you tomorrow when I’m hungover.”</p><p>Petra can’t stop the tear that rolls down her cheek, stupid alcohol always makes her overly emotional. “I love you too, but how do I know you won’t regret this.”</p><p>“Petra, my only regret is that I didn’t kiss you sooner.” And with that, Petra finally lets herself believe.</p><p>“Mine, too.” </p><p>Jane kisses her softly, “I won’t make that mistake again. Now, it’s time for bed, we’ll talk more tomorrow when I don’t feel like the room is spinning.”</p><p>Petra smirks, “that’s all me, babe.” She dodges Jane’s punch as they get comfortable under the covers. Jane doesn’t bother with pretense, she scoots up behind Petra and throws an arm around her, and Petra is perfectly content to be the little spoon.</p><p>Petra’s close to falling when she whispers, “Jane?”</p><p>“Hmmm.”</p><p>“You looked really pretty today.”</p><p>The kiss pressed to her shoulder blade tells Petra that Jane heard her.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>deleted scene: </p><p>Rafael: Pay up! [image attached]<br/>Michael: Dammit, I had them holding out another month.<br/>Michael: Is this why you had me babysit tonight?<br/>Michael: Dick.<br/>Michael: You owe me for the pizza.</p><p> </p><p>stay sane, safe, and stay home (if possible), and shout at me on <a href="http://finehs.tumblr.com">tumblr</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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